"it doesn't have to be beautiful: unless it's beautiful."

there is a simple element to human interaction that i have a terribly difficult time adjusting to. a friend was telling me the other evening that in order to have successful relationships, you need to stop being invested. her words have left me at a standstill... i am standing before this rather large, metaphorical brick wall, attempting to stop caring: attempting to be even more selfish? i had already considered at one point (actually recently) that i was one of the most selfish individuals that this current world has been so unfortunate to birth. yet, now i am actually challenging myself to become more selfish? why did her simple words challenge something so very complex: my emotions?

yet with that being said, i have to weigh my world of disappointment (many times self-inflicted) against her world of selfishness. what kind of person do i really want to be? do i want to try to understand (maybe even embrace) the complexities of sincere human interaction, or do i want to just pretend to sleep better at night by not caring? i think the thing that has defined me over these twenty-eight years is my ability to show unrealistic amounts of care (while remaining guarded by a cold and impenetrable shell). is this the very thing that everyone always loved? better yet...have i always loved this about me?